Mr. tire, Mr. shoe,
Without further ado-
Please meet Mr. pipe
Who once worked at the zoo.
Who once sustained life,
But developed a strife.
Left forsaken by friends-
With no chance to amend
His outdated end.
We live in a place
With no boundaries, no space
Just a disfigured face
To show our legacy’s trace
A face distorted through time
Telling a story through rhymes-
A reminiscence of lives
Of the hardships of widows,
Of children, of wives.
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the ryhming was perfect in this, it entertained me alot. Even better with the ryhmes its noyt random rhymes like bike fight or something. They actually make sense and work in well. The line i like the most is the last two lines. First they rhyme really swell. Then after that they make sense and are pretty powerful lines that reaches out to people in those groups.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite part of this poem is the last stanza. I like this stanza because it is different from the rest of the poem and I think that it explains the hardships that people face in life. Also, I think that your title works because it clearly relates to the tire, shoe and pipe, but I think that it can also relate to the last stanza because of the struggles that people face in thier lives. :)
ReplyDeletepretty deep stuff here. I feel like theres a deeper meaning here than what is seen. Like mr. shoe and mr tire have deeper meanings and so does mr. pipe and the situation has a deeper meaning as well. Nice job rhyming and i definately thought of the picture when i read this poem. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteThe rhyming worked really well and I agree with dude, it was entertaining. I think that the rhyme scheme makes the poem have a lot lighter mood than the picture we saw. It makes me think of a Dr. Suess poem, but the picture makes me think of something like September 11th. I think its really creative how you turned a picture that most people would first think of as someting horrific, and twist it so that its less straight to the point. The lines that really stood out to me was the last stanza. It flowed perfectly, and coudn't have been said in more of a creative, deep way.
ReplyDeleteMAZEL TOV YONI BEARR <3
I'm a big fan of personification and the personification you used in this poem was fantabulous. Keep it up!
ReplyDeletei agree with danny. this poem is very deep. and you pulled the rhyming off very well. There's seem like ther is a message being told in this poem. overall you did a great job. keep it up! :O
ReplyDeleteYoni,
ReplyDelete"Mr. Tire, Mr. Shoe, without further ado-" was by far my favorite line. The rhyming was spot on, but I loved how you slid humor in there as well. As side from the rhyming, your meaning gets across very well, as Danny said. Great poem, otherwise.
Great Job on your poem. I extremly like your rhyme because you did not completly over do. I liked the first line of your poem because it sounded like you were making each object human. I also feel that your title fits your poem perfectly. Great job :DDDD
ReplyDeleteI like how the poem is them meeting each other. I also like how you got the rhyming down, that can be hard to do. My favorite line was "We live in a place with no boundries" because we do, I relate to it because of how true it is, our only boundries are those we set for our selves. The animal this reminds me of is an extinct dinosaur because it once has a purpose but doesn't have one any more and is simply an antique now.
ReplyDelete